Sunday, July 6, 2008


I started to think about it the other day and I think I've figured out what I've been going through. When have you been going through what you ask?

It all started when I got married, almost 2 years ago. I had just moved out of my moms house. It would be the first time moved away from her. It took me a little while to actually get it through my head that I wasn't just staying for a little while but staying for good.

I was still very emotional about how people viewed Jason and I as a couple. I hid it as best I could and only let him and a few other people know how I really felt about how people treated or talked about us. This all slowly faded away, but nothing can ever take away how I felt. I will never put someone else through that. It hurt to not be accepted.

While going through the transition of being the girlfriend to the wife, I began to tell myself I had to be the perfect wife. And as all of us know, no one is perfect. I began to put what I thought was expected and what I wanted in some regard on a giant pedestal. A pedestal that I have not to this day figured out how to even climb. Just doing daily chores is a huge struggle.

I have not found the balance in my life yet. Balance between everything. Right now, I am just struggling to find my balance while walking on a thin rope.